It took me some time to realize that I'm below average in class...... What is going on... haiz.... Most of the people I know did much better then me...
... Should I study next time?... What went wrong... what went wrong???? Why isnt a person rewarded for the effort that he puts in...
My father hit me... wanna know why? Its because he thinks that I'm useless... Yes.. U-S-E-L-E-S-S...
I did not retaliate because it was against my moral ethics to strike at my father who did give me a bit of money to grow up... So I resisted and the entire ultraviolet shield smashed to pieces and I would have died if I did not use my hand to block it... Fracture, dislocation?... whatever...
I was born the most useless in the family and it looks like I will remain to be... I dont even dare show my parents my results....
I couldn even ace half of the subjects... When my bros ace everything as if they set the papers themselves...
Haiz...
I didnt want to wear a cast, because if I wore a cast, people will ask about my what happened, and inevitably, the truth will come out... My father's reputation is too important to be smeared....
But... What should the most useless person in the family do?... I wish I could do something to make my parents proud... haiz...
My parents actually told my younger bro this (when I was playing the computer) :" If you continue not studying and rotting, you will end up like him."
Tell me how can I not feel hurt....
None of my achievements went recognize... Everything paled in comparison to the acadamic excellenct that my brothers acheived... Being the chairperson, obtaining gold, getting top 5 in the school... none of that mattered...
Looking back... I realize that my life has been a futile chase to be a person that I cannot be... To live a future that I cannot live... I've resigned from my dreams....
I.. have not even lived up to my own expectations, much less my parents... I've failed my family, friends, parents and myself...
One day, when I die... There will always and only be one regret that I will make... and that is, I never got to be the person I wanted to be....
I wish..... yeah... thats all... I only can wish...
sigh...
3 comments:
1 Thessalonians 4:16- be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.
1 Timothy 6
Paul's Charge to Timothy
11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Hebrews 11
By Faith
1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 2This is what the ancients were commended for.
6And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
13All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. 14People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
press on in faith.
1 Peter 1
Praise to God for a Living Hope
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
james 2:5
Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?
1 Peter 1
Praise to God for a Living Hope
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
james 2:5
Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?
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